A brutally honest Nathan Cleary has revealed the toll last Wednesday’s Origin decider loss has taken on him, admitting he doesn’t know if he’ll “ever fully get over it”.
Coming off the bench for Penrith in what was an NRL first for the star half, Cleary was terrific in the Panthers’ thumping of the Eels.
Speaking to Fox League’s Darcie McDonald following the win, a raw Cleary revealed his father Ivan, wanted to rest the halfback from the Eels clash.
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However, Cleary was adamant he needed to play to help him move on from the disappointment of the Blues’ Game III loss to the Maroons.
“It was a bit of a weird one. Pretty much straight after the game on Wednesday, Dad didn’t want me to back up,” Cleary said.
“But then I sort of thought about it for a bit and thought if I don’t play I’ll just be sitting at home hating myself and continuing that sort of disappointment from Wednesday night so I thought I need to get around the boys
“I think part of (why he backed up) is being there for these boys at Penrith and the other part of it was, selfishly, I wanted to move on.
I went rhought of that grieving process … but you can only feel sorry for yourself for so long and it’s about how you pick yourself up and go again and use it as a lesson.
“I was extremely disappointed with the way I played and the way we performed. We let a lot of people down but the best way to sort of repay it is to come out and play well.”
Speaking in his post-match press conference, Cleary admitted he had been thinking about the Origin loss up until Sunday morning.
‘Fire in the belly! Cleary chats Origin | 09:14
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“I didn’t really want to say it to Dad but I was still waking up thinking about it this morning,” the Panthers star said.
I don’t know if you ever fully get over it, to be honest. But I also had a good chat to him yesterday that made me feel a lot better after it.
I’d been trying to process it, and I thought I’d gotten over it, then it’d just like come up again.”
Cleary copped a fair bit of criticism in the wake of the Blues’ loss, which was his third defeat in an Origin decider from as many attempts.
Penrith coach Ivan Cleary added that he was mindful of the mental load his son was carrying, which is why he gave him the option of sitting the Eels clash out.
“He negotiated pretty hard to play this game because we weren’t really sure whether he should. But when he was doing that, I thought that’s a good sign, and I get it,” Ivan said.
“He just wanted to get blackout there. Origin’s a big thing, but everyone will forget about it next week. I’m sure it would be easier for him to sleep after this game than Wednesday night.”
